“The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.” - Proverb 16:9
Work-in-progress shot of a 42”x28” oil on canvas painting
“I was much older then/ I”m younger than that now.” - My Back Pages, Bob Dylan
So much of my life I’ve tried to jump the gun, strive to be older or better than I am. I very rarely considered learning as a treasure; I thought I should just know better. I’ve chanted the mantras “Shoulda known better”, “You messed up, again!”, and “Really, Case?!” so much that the grooves in my brain have had very little resistance to giving up and being overly hard on myself. The notion of being gracious and offering myself second chances seemed not only foreign, but unacceptable. This danse macabre was so well rehearsed that it kept me from exploring, from being curious about my “what” and “why” in this life, and even from playing and enjoying life. It played into my art making on a huge level as well - to equally devastating effects. In my collegiate years, and the decade following, I even had a staunch view of “paint nothing twice”. What a grave mistake! Adopting a new perspective, accepting my place as a young child in this place, and embracing my role as a student has been the very best reorientation I can imagine. New neural pathways are being formed and fortified with each new step in this direction.
“Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.” - Beautiful Boy, John Lennon
Over the past few years I’ve noticed that my pace has slowed. Not my physical pace, mind you, though approaching 40 has offered new insights to my physical being. No, during this reorientation process - just as I mentioned in the previous blog - has shown the beauty and power of careful observation, deep imagination, and the effect of internationally drawing upon both to create a painting. Yes, I've simultaneously adopted a larger easel system to create more paintings, but even this has proven a benefit to improve my workflow (batching and production), but also to create greater cohesion (my paintings better inform one another, there’s more synergy in colors, textures, and subject matter). I am able to iterate not only in my sketchbook these days - a practice I’ve adopted in the last decade - but also in paintings. Just as I am struck with awe over the same landscape settings, so too am I more curious how to render it; I am freer and more capable to cradle the impression and paint it. Oh, the joy of exploring that awe and wonder.
The painting pictured above is an homage to this season of reorientation. This piece itself has undergone design changes to better express the main idea originally that captivated me: wandering paths in Texas fields. There are all kinds of paths in fields, especially in North Texas. Some paths are life-saving paths, some are concrete eye-sores in the ever-expanding sprawl, some quiet whispers of child-like jaunts into mysteries yet unrevealed. Equally, this piece speaks as a commemoration to the work I’ve done in rebounding from blunders and mistakes. It used to be that after a fight, miscommunication, or some personal line I’ve crossed I’d wallow in shame and guilt before trying again. But in these past few years I've learned to make new shortcuts. Apologize when need be, but always to press onward, and to be bold in starting anew more quickly. To rebound, not in hubris, but in gratitude and humility. I’ve found my “shortcuts”, my secret paths, to those happy places in my own life. I don’t need to take the beaten down paths, I’ve found my own. And these paths are not only freer, but my steps are firmer. I get to keep exploring the wonder before me.
Not only am I rebounding more quickly these days, but I’ve been encouraged - and even exhorted - to find new metrics for success. Life with four children is a lot to handle. It is a lot to enjoy. And I have been gifted - out of love and not as a test, which i used to think - with an immense wealth. Taking the wins where I can and learning from my shortcomings and missteps with newfound grace and elasticity, I’m able to do well with what I have been entrusted to tend. But more on this tactic and vision-casting in the next blog.
Take care, until the next time.